Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's shark week go big or go home
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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