what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize