He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
