It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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