Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
