i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
