I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
