You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
