I accidentally had phone sex last night
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
