We won't sleep together?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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