There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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