We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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