I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
