mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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