totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
