Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize