i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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