and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
