Its about making memories worth repressing
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
