I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
