Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Floor bacon is actually really good
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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