By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
