Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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