I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
