Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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