I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
