I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
