I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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