I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
