i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
