I haven't been this sober since birth.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
