They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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