I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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