They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
