Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
