smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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