Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
