I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
