Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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