They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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