I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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