im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
