Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
