Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
