Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
