chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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