3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
