i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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