this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
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Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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