Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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