The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize