I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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