dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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