Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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