lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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