i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
