I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
