I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
