i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
