Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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