Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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