You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
