Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
